Wednesday, May 22, 2013

A little afternoon non sequitur.

I am currently eating lunch at my desk (as usual), which today, is an exciting combination of fennel salad my roommate made last night and my boss's pulled pork sandwich that he didn't want and offered to me. As I shove another forkful of food into my mouth that Miss Manners would cringe over, I can't help but notice the stain on my skirt that I have yet to dry clean out from the last time I ate at my desk (excluding this morning's breakfast). And now I wish David Sedaris were here to help direct this thought train to a witty and delightful end.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Regressing Happily

Do you remember that blog about how the previous title of my blog was a lie, and that I've been seeing a therapist? Well, apparently this was a lie as well. I had to bid him adieu because of a little insurance snafu. Dear Obamacare, thank you for helping me to make sure that nothing unwanted shall pass into or out of my lady parts. If you could also add mental health onto that list, I (and those around me) would be extremely grateful.

Anyway, the last topic that my therapist and I stumbled upon was how I am very reluctantly on the verge of adulthood (OH GOD). I do not see myself as a grown person, nor do I want to be one. Whereas my friends around me are married and have children, I spent Saturday and Sunday morning rolling around in bed until 10*.

However, I proved to myself over the weekend that, in fact, I am still a dumbass. I plucked the shit out of my eyebrows. ROOKIE MISTAKE. I "just took care of the strays" using a hand held mirror and didn't stop to check my overall face in a big mirror. I even snickered to myself midway about how "HA! I don't need to make sure I'm not going to f it up b/c I'm a grown ass person who's been tweezing her own brows for years, and I know what I'm doing." HORSESHIT. I look like this guy now. Especially with this lesbian hair I'm currently sporting. Some call it pixie, I call it my male K-pop star look. And I will have a perma-shocked/angry look on my face for the next 4-5 months because my eyebrow hairs take forever to grow.

I once had my eyebrows tattooed onto my face. It was... mildy chola. My friend, Andrea, and I were laughing about our tattooed brows because she had hers done, too. The first thing she said to me when I saw her was, "I'm not mad at you and sorry I look so fierce right now.."

So I guess the whole point of this blog is, maybe adulthood isn't so scary after all. I'll probably always be a dumbass, and that's okay. The next time you run into me, please know that I'm not mad at you. And if my drawn-on eyebrows have smeared off, you should really let me know so I can go redraw them.

I just lied. It was more like 11, but I rounded down, just like I did on the weight on my driver's license. I will eventually lose those extra lbs.