Monday, August 9, 2010

“Nobody knows what’s wrong with themselves. Everyone else can see it right away.” Mad Men

Honestly, the reason why I haven't updated this blog in such a long time is because I haven't had much to talk about. I'm in a state of self-imposed complacency and repressing thoughts of, "what the hell am I doing with my life right now?" My poor roommate gets the brunt of this melodrama. Sorry, Ez.

It's hard for me to even focus on what I'd like to write about. At first I was going to do a little diddy on how many sitcoms in the 80's featured mannies: Charles in Charge, Mr. Belvedere, Who's the Boss, ALF (you know that alien was taking care of the kids), Perfect Strangers (Balki Bartokomous was the equivalent of a 7 year old). But I think a list will suffice and needs no further explanation.

So now I digress onto what my friends and I have been wasting brains cells bitching about for far too long: this dreadful dating pool. Dreadful. Now, I understand that it takes two to tango, and I am not above admitting that I may be just as equally as dreadful to date. Please, if that's the case, do your fellow man a favor and tell me what is wrong with me so I can better myself. I am genuinely curious, so please share.

Here's been my experience with dating. I still need to test my theory out on an enlarged population size (gotta put my degree to use somehow) but for the most part, my analysis is as follows:
  • East Coast: Cocky, full of themselves, jerks. But at least you know that and see it all from Day One. I've never had a guy be a jerk to me and then pull a 180 and sweep me off my feet. And vice versa--if they start out nice, they're gonna stay nice.
  • Midwesterners: Bring one home to Mama. Just check your political parties and make sure you're on the same team (or agree to disagree) and you're good. These guys are unassuming, sweet, easy-going. Why am I on the West Coast, again?
  • West Coast: Holy shit. WHAT is going on here??? I've been here three months and have already sworn off men (twice). They come off as nice and as genuine as Midwesterners but WTF, you flaketards?? Why are they so flakey?? Again, maybe I'm a terrible, wretched person to date. But I have never experienced so many undercover jerks in my life. If you're going to be an ass, at least own up to it and be one to my face. Oh, and don't bore me to death with your personality-less text messaging.