Mr. Right needs to hurry it up

Along with "good-hearted, same sense of humor, knows his way around a kitchen.." blah, blah, another checklist item I have on my list is "he makes me a mix tape." Not a CD, a mix tape--complete with handwritten cover.

This is truly sad news: End Of An Era: Sony Stops Manufacturing Cassette Walkmans

Actually, I think I'll stick with unemployment.

Oh, job interviews. You reach into the back of the closet, pull out the ill-fitting, "I look like a man in this--do I really have to wear this?" suit, search around for your college-logo sporting padfolio, and slip in a few copies of your printed-on-linen paper (ooooh, so professional) resume. And BAM! Bring on the lame questions about my "strengths and weaknesses" as I bullshit some answers about why I want to work for that organization. Want to know why? So I can pay rent and maybe buy that gorgeous Rebecca Taylor dress I've had on hold at Nordstrom for 2 weeks now. Don't worry. Rebecca will wait until after responsible-Nora pays her bills.

I had an interview today. As exciting as that might be, unfortunately I already know I'll never work there. Here's why. Being the tech-savvy yuppie that I am, I did a two-second Google search and the second link, the first being the org's web site, is to a forum where former employees give their feedback on the company.

Here are some highlights:

• "They use high pressure tactics to obtain results from their employees, who are, for the most part, fresh out of college with zero, yes zero work experience and don't know better.
  
  Mr. P and his assistant offend their employees and treat them in a very unprofessional manner. Plus there is only one computer to send emails. So if you want to send an email you'll have to go to that computer and everyone in the office will see which emails you send and which emails you receive."

Really? One computer? Odd.

• "Mr. P expects you to conduct research from Google searches and when you propose to him that you would like to purchase some materials to conduct further research, he gets angry and calls you x and y in a very disrespectful way. Another irony is that during my brief tenure at this firm, management kept telling us analysts to conduct searches through Lexis Nexis but they didn't even have a working Lexis Nexis account."

Okay, so maybe the man is thrifty and doesn't want to pay that subscription? A small boutique firm--high expectations means junior analysts get stepped on a little, sure. I can deal with that. But wait, here's one last entry...

• "Mr. P is a bad man. Frequently at work he would try to sexually harass me and I am a man. The culture of the office because of him is very abusive, very similar to dropping the soap in a prison shower. On my first week he made me smoke PCP and threatened to fire me. Occasionally he asked me to refer to him as "Candy Ass" and would refer to me as "Loose Booty"."

What do you even do with that?? Honestly! WTF! As Catherine put it, that's a Dave Chapelle skit. SO, Yes. I would rather be unemployed than wonder when I'll be called into Mr. P's office to smoke some angel dust with him. By the way, I just Googled "PCP" because I wasn't really sure what that was. I wonder if Mr. P would be proud of my research skills.

We are confirmed. Men are idiots.

My life in Gchats

Catherine: i want to hold this dog in one hand
and the sleeping bunny in the other

   

Catherine: and the power from their proximity will generate an unbelievable rainbow
from which the unicorn of change will emerge

me: hahahahaha
Catherine: and this unicorn
NAY
THIS GOD

me: NAY
i like it
good use
Catherine: WILL GIVE US JOBS
haha. put that little monologue on your blog
me: LOL
Catherine: INSPIRATIONAL!

No, thanks. I'm on a "diet."

My friend, Norene, and I were just having a conversation about being broke and the things we've had to do/give up as a result. I'm going into penny-pincher mode, so my meals now are going to be "creative." Case in point, I just made up a concoction of rice, baked beans, and Sriracha. Oddly enough, it tasted like this one Korean dish called kimchi jjigae--all it was missing were slices of hot dog. (We're talking the ghetto man-version of kimchi jjigae that my dad would make us.) I have to say, not one of the prouder moments in my culinary life, but it wasn't like I had to choke it down. I kind of enjoyed it.

Norene's tightening up the purse strings too:

norene: i know
when i was in hawaii, i knew i would come back not having enough money for my own expenses
not enough to do laundry
so i took some coins from my mom
me: HAHAHA
oh noooo
norene: and brought towels back
norene: starving for lunch, accepting friends' leftovers
norene: not saying anything when a coworker asks "do you want anything from the cafe?"
eating nuts that were supposed to be a gift, but eating them yourself
hahhaah, dammit!
......

norene: oh well. maybe this is the perfect time to fast?
me: no, b/c even then you'd have to get those damn lemons
this is when i'll learn about "portion control" so i can make one meal into two
hahahaah
norene: mannn
or only eat brunch or lunch/dinner
me: that's prob why i wake up so late now. my mind is telling me "you can avoid having three meals if you wake up at 11"
norene: exactly, then sleep early
......
norene: at least i know i'll have free breakfast at the farmer's market
norene: u can never get enough free fruit samples
norene: i do it EVERY wed
they still haven't caught on
hahaa
ohhh and sometimes there'll be companies that give out sample bars
like a few weeks ago, they were giving free granola bars
freaking saved me

The last person I fit was Johnny, 38C

He wanted a bra to complete his drag outfit. Johnny, your "boobs" looked awesome.

I resigned yesterday. My life as a bra fitter is over. My life as a hobo is just beginning.