Actually, I think I'll stick with unemployment.

Oh, job interviews. You reach into the back of the closet, pull out the ill-fitting, "I look like a man in this--do I really have to wear this?" suit, search around for your college-logo sporting padfolio, and slip in a few copies of your printed-on-linen paper (ooooh, so professional) resume. And BAM! Bring on the lame questions about my "strengths and weaknesses" as I bullshit some answers about why I want to work for that organization. Want to know why? So I can pay rent and maybe buy that gorgeous Rebecca Taylor dress I've had on hold at Nordstrom for 2 weeks now. Don't worry. Rebecca will wait until after responsible-Nora pays her bills.

I had an interview today. As exciting as that might be, unfortunately I already know I'll never work there. Here's why. Being the tech-savvy yuppie that I am, I did a two-second Google search and the second link, the first being the org's web site, is to a forum where former employees give their feedback on the company.

Here are some highlights:

• "They use high pressure tactics to obtain results from their employees, who are, for the most part, fresh out of college with zero, yes zero work experience and don't know better.
  
  Mr. P and his assistant offend their employees and treat them in a very unprofessional manner. Plus there is only one computer to send emails. So if you want to send an email you'll have to go to that computer and everyone in the office will see which emails you send and which emails you receive."

Really? One computer? Odd.

• "Mr. P expects you to conduct research from Google searches and when you propose to him that you would like to purchase some materials to conduct further research, he gets angry and calls you x and y in a very disrespectful way. Another irony is that during my brief tenure at this firm, management kept telling us analysts to conduct searches through Lexis Nexis but they didn't even have a working Lexis Nexis account."

Okay, so maybe the man is thrifty and doesn't want to pay that subscription? A small boutique firm--high expectations means junior analysts get stepped on a little, sure. I can deal with that. But wait, here's one last entry...

• "Mr. P is a bad man. Frequently at work he would try to sexually harass me and I am a man. The culture of the office because of him is very abusive, very similar to dropping the soap in a prison shower. On my first week he made me smoke PCP and threatened to fire me. Occasionally he asked me to refer to him as "Candy Ass" and would refer to me as "Loose Booty"."

What do you even do with that?? Honestly! WTF! As Catherine put it, that's a Dave Chapelle skit. SO, Yes. I would rather be unemployed than wonder when I'll be called into Mr. P's office to smoke some angel dust with him. By the way, I just Googled "PCP" because I wasn't really sure what that was. I wonder if Mr. P would be proud of my research skills.